Reflecting on these past months my memories are a mix of feelings and words. I remember having blissful discussions, I remember many times being drawn back into the present moment by some interesting conversations and a combination of lexis that helped me connect to the vast space inside.
I can’t quite recall what terms where being used or what was the initial subject of these dialogues, but the feeling of that moment of glimpse when sentences instantly make sense and nothing else can be added into it than a deep sense of comprehension.
It cannot be explained. Yet, I know what you mean.
Words are a powerful tool. And trying to use them wisely is a challenge. I know that the best words come out of my mouth when I just accept them the moment they come into my mind and speak it out. The thinking of “how should I say that?” often leads to miscommunication and misinterpretation. I keep clear thoughts, and with that, I say clear words. But if my mind is busy judging the thinking before the speaking usually the message won’t get there the way it should. Communication is about honesty.
The feeling of speaking out what you think is very freeing and the exposition that comes out of it provides you with very interesting experiences. I’ve been trying my best to get into a silence point before speaking every sentence. I listen to what had been said and try to not create thinking into it, and in that moment between the other person stopped speaking and the wait for my answer I try to keep a clear state of mind and a strong presence on body. And then I let words come out. Unexpectedly, once my mouth is open and sounds come out of it the reasoning keeps developing mostly smoothly, with once sentence completing the other and connecting to a new point of view. If you know me, you’ll probably notice when that happens and I start speaking an unbelievable amount of sentences per minute. They nicknamed me ‘parrot’ at school on grade 2.
While I’m definitely a talker I admit that speaking has made me scare so many times before. The expectation of what I’m supposed to say, the expectation of the way that’ll be interpreted and the need to keep a conversation so it doesn’t fall into that silence considered so terrible and embarrassing between two or more people. By letting go of the fear and being honest with myself and the things that happen inside I learn how to use our words spontaneously, even if that means revealing a perception inside that will make me more vulnerable when faced with other people. And I also noticed that by being honest people open themselves more to whatever they hear. Nothing needs to be said in an aggressive way, instead, words are seen as just observations of the feelings inside each one of us. As different and peculiar they might seem, they are there to support our growing and understanding of life.
I truly believe words are not necessary for communication once we live our 100% full mind-body potential. But since they are so essential in our world now, using them with a strong sense of presence can be as exiting as having the realization of the formless itself through silence.
I started recording on my cellphone some moments when I feel the talking is leading to a beautiful way. When a strong connection is being made between the undefined feeling and the definition that is now being made of it through our verbal realm. Sometimes I think I’m going crazy, but listening to it later on bring me back to the same state I was while having the talking. Maybe these words should be listened more than once.
Anything that brings me back to the present moment is a useful sign that this state is always here. It can be achieved through meditating, through looking at a flower, or through interacting with the world and using the rational definition for it. Which means, words. It’s like listening to a song with happy lyrics and feeling as if you were flying somewhere over the rainbow with it. And the rainbow is always there, the song can always be heard again.
Words are gates. And after fearing so much where they would take me, I’m grateful for them now.
*If you were brave enough to stick with me through all this word craziness and is wandering where Compassion is I’ll tell you what: I wrote three posts on it. Yes, three. And still I feel like none of them is close to what could be said about compassion. Oh words, you tricky little things. Maybe that’s too much thinking involved?! Probably. So letting the thinking aside for a minute and focusing on actually experiencing it again. Maybe the gates will open, who knows?!
Nothing else to be said. Stay in love,
Caroline 🙂
Walk the Caroline 